Some thoughts...

Wow. It's been a long time since I've updated Gage's blog. And that's not because there isn't much to update on...the opposite in fact...a lot has gone on or changed with him but I tend to think that if you have the link to this blog then you know what's going on day to day with him and I save the updating for hospital visits or big clinic appointments.

That's not what this post is about. This post is about something that's been weighing heavy on my mind for sometime now.

Being a parent to any child is hard. Being a parent to a child like Gage is extraordinarily hard. Typically at the end of each day...I'm tired. If not physically...then mentally. Usually I just want to curl up in sweats and watch some mindless tv or read some stupid stuff online or on the worst days...try to sleep.
I don't go out often. Kris and I almost never go out as a couple. I don't even remember our last date night. But this isn't a complaint. It's just reality.
What's hard is when little by little people stop calling. Sure...I almost always say that I can't hang out but who knows...maybe somewhere there's that one time I can.
What's hard is feeling alone. Seeing my circle of friends grow smaller and smaller and smaller. Very few people check in to see how Gage is doing anymore...that's family and friends. And that's hard to swallow.
It hard to see pictures of friends or updates and know that they are moving on without you. Can't really blame them. You're not dead. But you're not really there anymore either.

I don't know where I really fit in these days.
I wish I could do a lot of things. I wish I could change a lot of things.

This is my life though.