Yes, No???

I've spent the last hour trying to get Gage's Page JUST RIGHT...I'm still not sure I really like the way it looks but it's going to have to do for now.
I wanted to add a picture to the side of it but once again blogger is being a brat and not letting me. Oh well. Maybe that's my cue that I need to stop working on this for now and maybe come back to it a bit later and look at it with fresh eyes and see what I think then.

In the mean time please, please, please comment on your thoughts on the looks of this. Something just seems off to me and I'm not sure what it is...so friendly readers...let me know what you think!!

And once again yes...I know I owe you an update and I am working on it but there's quite a bit to update so as soon as I get it done I will post it.

ETA...if you look to the right you'll see links to other amazing kiddo's and their families. I really encourage you to check them out.
Mom...that means you too!! Just click on a name and it'll bring you to the blog of your choice. You've heard me talk about some of these kids enough.

Cross posted from myspace...

I know I owe everyone an update but for now I have this....
Current mood: happy
Category: Life

It never ceases to amaze me just how up and down life can be. Just when you think things will never look up and that’ll you’ll never get a break...you do.

Or at least that’s been the case for me.

In the last 6 years I’ve had some real big wakeup calls...life has not really treated us fair in some ways...watching the things Gage goes through has been enough to rock us to our very core. Seeing the bills we have stacked up and knowing there’s not a whole lot of chance of us being able to pay them anytime soon can be very depressing.

There have been days...especially lately...where it’s all seemed too much. I really didn’t know how much more I could handle without losing my mind. I tried to keep a positive outlook but it was getting harder and harder...my life was beginning to resemble a nightmare but I decided to just keep going...I had made it this far.
WE had made it this far.
For better or for worse I had my little family and that was enough.

And you know what?? As soon as I started to REALLY believe that things started looking up for us.

So...no matter how hard life can be or how badly you want to lay down and give up...don’t.
Your life will never become more than you can handle.
My friend Terra said this to me tonight..."When you open your energy up to good things, good things happen."
That is the absolute truth.

I lose sight of that alot.

Cold, Cold Weather...

Well Gage went back to school yesterday...according to the note Ms. Debbie sent home he was awake for a few minutes and then slept the rest of the day.
Good thing they don't give detentions for that at his school. haha

I had a feeling it was going to be a sleepy day. He had a sour look on his face the whole time I was getting him ready and he was so uncooperative when I was trying to get him into his chair.
That's usually a sure sign he isn't quite ready to be awake yet.

Well luck was on his side today...I woke up about 6:30 this morning and it just LOOKED cold outside so I called Kris and sure enough it was FREEZING. Needless to stay Gage got another day off. I think he was pretty happy about it as he woke up all smiles. Silly little guy.

He stayed in his happy mood for the majority of the day...lots of smiles and sitting up and the occasional burst of laughter. I LOVE days like today.

In other news...Kris is sick. He sounds and looks MISERABLE. I feel for him. He has tomorrow off of work so at least he'll be out of the cold for the most part.

We're meeting with the lawyer tomorrow about the SSI and Medicaid...hence the reason Kris is off of work.
I'm really hoping this meeting goes well and we hear some good news.

I will definitely update on how it went at some point in time this week.
:-)

Wish us luck...

After (almost) a month off of school I think it's time for Gage to go back.
We've had a bout of the flu, some cold like symptoms, the ever present choking, a couple snow days and a week of freezing temperatures....but finally things seem to be looking up.

The weather is a bit...well not as cold, the snow is still here but the roads are better (minus the whole salt shortage), the flu is long gone and I don't see any signs of a cold.
As for the choking...well that's pretty much here to stay for the time being so hopefully the school can handle it.

I will say it's been nice to wake up leisurely and not have to do the whole mad rush in the morning but I know he's missed school and his friends and of course Ms. Debbie...and I of course have missed those couple of hours all to myself. There really is no need for Dunkin' Donuts in the AM as I've gotten used to just making my own coffee and having a piece of toast but I think tomorrow I may just go there anyways...for old times sake you know?? HAHA

Other than that not much else to report...we have some appointments lined up for next month...on his birthday (poor kid).

Until next time be well...

They're just toys...right???

I've been trying to get rid of some of Gage's toys for some time now. It's so hard though.
Every toy I pick up makes me sad.
I can remember the day we got EVERY SINGLE toy.
I can remember sitting there imaging him playing with it. I couldn't wait for the day.
I remember when we got the little basketball hoop for him...in my mind I saw him first sitting there playing with the balls...trying to figure out how to put them through the hoop. And then I saw him a bit bigger and standing next to daddy while they both played with it.
I remember getting the peek-a-blocks and how excited I was for him to discover them.
I couldn't wait for him to figure out that there was something INSIDE the blocks.
Again...I had it all mapped out in my mind.

Sadly it didn't quite happen that way.

The basketball hoop sat in the corner untouched for months and months.
The peek-a-blocks remained untouched in a box.

And those are just a couple of the toys.

For a long time I left all of Gage's toys spread throughout the house...I think in some strange way it made me feel more like a mommy. It made it easier to pretend things would be ok too.

Eventually I put them all away in a toy box in his room. Having them in a toy box made it easier to pretend as well.

In the beginning I would look at them every once in awhile and some days I'd drag out a couple and try playing with them with Gage...never went over very well.

It's been well over 4 years since I packed them all up into his toy box and sadly I know he will never play with them...I also know it's taking up alot of space that we could use for other things.

I know this.

But I just can't bring myself to get rid of them.
I can't do it.

Why not though???
They're just toys...right???

In a way yes...they are JUST toys...but they are also so much more than that.
They were my hopes for Gage.
My dreams unrealized.

What a week...and it's only TUESDAY...

This week started off with a bang.

Yesterday Gage managed to get himself wrapped up in his cords while he was feeding and as I trying to untangle him his mickey button popped out.

I don't change it...I never have. It makes me ill to even think about it so Kris has always done it. Yesterday it was just lil' man and me at home when it happened and I know that it has to be replaced in a timely matter so as not to close up.

I freaked out for about 10 seconds and then I grabbed the phone and called Kris so he could walk me through it. I've seen him do it enough times that I know how it's done but I also wanted to make sure I didn't miss a step.
Usually Gage is pretty calm when Kris changes it but I think he knew mommy was scared so he decided to kick and bang and move and try to sit up...didn't help at all.
I got it in but when I went to draw back on the syringe nothing was coming back up so I didn't get it in right.
I decided at that point that it was in enough that it wouldn't close up so I wrapped him in an ace bandage so it wouldn't pop out again and left it for Kris.

and then I cried. alot.

When Kris got home he was able to get it in properly but it took him a couple of tries...normally he can get it in right away so it wasn't just me.

I felt a tiny bit better.

Until today...when I went into his bedroom to get him up this morning there was something blocking the door preventing me from opening it up all the way...GAGE.
He somehow managed to kick his side rail open and HE FELL OUT OF BED.
My heart just about stopped.
I made sure he was ok...and he was and is. He actually seems a bit smug about it (that's my boy. lol).
He kicks his side rail all night long so I never really think twice when I hear loud banging from his room.

Anyhow...I gave him tons of hugs and asked him to please not scare mommy like that again.

and then I cried. alot

Seems to be the theme of the week....mommy is an emotional wreck.
Nice.

Is it Friday yet???

Long time no update...

and for that i apologize.

It's been a busy holiday season and things are finally getting back to "normal" so I figured I'd take a moment to update.
We saw the GI specialist last month and Gage's weight went down a bit (YAY) so now he's on a maintain feeding protocol. He was also given a medication called Reglan to help with the nightly vomiting. It seems to be helping somewhat. His Dr. is also referring us to an ENT to see about Botox in his salivary glands to help with choking. That scares me ALOT. And he wants us to see Rehab. Tech at Children's about botox in his legs to help with the tightening.
Man...this botox craze is getting a bit out of hand!!!
Baby botox??
Who woulda thought.
Maybe I can get a voucher to use in a couple years for myself.
HAHA

In other news...Santa was good to Gagey this year....The Gramma's were better but hey...either way he got SPOILED.
He deserves it though.

As for me...I came down with pneumonia on Christmas night. That was a shocker.
Luckily my parent's were able to take Gage for a few nights to prevent him from getting it and to also give me a chance to rest.
Pneumonia is the one thing we've always been scared to death of the kiddo getting.
It could be devastating for him...but so far he seems ok.
Thank god.

And on that note....I wish you all a Happy New Year.
May it be a BLESSED one for all of us.

p.s. I had a FABULOUS picture of Gage to put up but blogger is being a BRAT and not letting me.